Other than your own wisdom, qualities, abilities and experience to help you maneuver through life, just as important or arguably even more influential is the family and community you are able to build for yourself because that’s the setting or soil that your seed will bloom around.  Meaning you are the seed with all its potentials and cultivation but your soil you grow around and will be nurtured and supported by is your family, friends and community, the most influential is of-course your family.  All families begins with marriage.  You have no control with the family you’re born into but you do have control over the family you will build for yourself.   For the family to thrive and even survive, first and foremost, the marriage must have solid foundations to thrive and even survive. Everyone knows not all marriages thrive or survive though everyone tries to be successful in their family life.  What I’m sharing here is what I believe to be the most important or at least where it all begins, the marriage.  To help people who are contemplating marriage build it on solid foundations and although everyone knows the importance of success and the misery of failure in this aspect of life, nobody teaches people how to recognize in a simple and concise manner, the success formula and its simple:   Here’s the formula:

1- Mutual PHYSICAL attraction: Anyone who says this is unimportant is naive.  That aspect cannot be missing.

2- EMOTIONAL connection: Where empathy and respect for each other’s feelings is natural and automatic.

3- ON THE SAME PAGE: “Most” of the time, clearly not all of the time but  tend to agree in values and views.  This prevents arguments.

4- BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN EACH OTHER: Every person is like a chemical and mixed with another chemical, often both of you are transformed for better or worse.

 

That’s the formula.  If you have 4 out of 4 which can happen with many different persons if you happen to meet them, you should recognize that’s the best you can do if you’re looking for the right pairing for you.  If you’re willing to settle, aim to have at least 3 out of 4 and even 2 out of 4 is really pushing it for long term success.    For example, a new couple find each other physically irresistible and develop an emotional connection that is mutual.  Most people would consider that enough to build a solid relationship.  Although those 2 aspects are important to building a romantic relationship, longer term that couple might fight over differences of values, how they see situations or they bring out the worst in each other rather than inspire the best versions of each other.  On the contrary, 2 people can bring out the best in each other and share values and outlooks, if the physical and emotional connection is not there, it becomes a platonic relationship and the romance cannot get lit.  A major red flag is SELFISHNESS.  That’s a sign of either immaturity or lack of love and respect for others.  Either way, its a bad sign for when choosing a marriage partner that can lead to problems in the future.   This might sound like common sense once you recognize it but many don’t recognize that there even is a formula to guide them.  Most of the time, its by trial and error.  I hope this simple and concise formula will help you build a great relationship or at least evaluate why your relationship is not where you might have hoped it to be.